Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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