I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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