I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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