I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
