I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
