after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
