I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
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Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
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Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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