My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
