My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
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only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I didn't notice because vodka
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
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After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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