my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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