I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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