I molested 6 butterflies tonight
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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