That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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