remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
