Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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