Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
is wine microwaveable?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
