Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
