hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
