Im at strip club and am horny
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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