piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
