How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
