Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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