I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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