There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
