I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
