i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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