If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
