tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
