Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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