i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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