I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
