i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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