fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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