Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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