turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
