she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
