If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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