sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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