i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
