drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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