im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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