I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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