guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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