Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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