I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
