I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You're like the curious george of whores
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
