he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
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