i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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