How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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