An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
