Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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