oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
