Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
