i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
