And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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