so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
