I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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