I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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