it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
