The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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