she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
