I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
