why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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