I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Sorry about my life...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
