I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
