he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
it glows. i had to have it.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
