you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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