can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
