The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
