dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Randomize
