one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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