atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I am midnight drunk by noon
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
