I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
