your room smells of hookers.
And success
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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