i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
