it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
