did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
