Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
oh god the rape fog is back!
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
