Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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