I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
